HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!

“For me love is opening our heart just as we are, it is deeper honesty and total acceptance. It is complete understanding and connection. It is a heart of peace; it is honest communication that strengthens and nourishes affection.” Ayo Ayoola-Amale

“Peace, love, justice and respect are four words able to make a difference to our life and change the world!  We are called to Love; we are called to what is truly real in this world. We are called home to the beautiful truth of who we really are.”  – Ayo Ayoola-Amale

“Genuine love is the deep gentleness and kindness in our heart.” –Ayo Ayoola-Amale

 

“Love is the highest truth of life –so beautiful and radiant that it is beyond words.” – Ayo Ayoola-Amale

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Communicate Love, Practice It. Live It!

Opening our soul to each other is vital to communicating to create connection, to cut through anger, resentment and misunderstanding and to avoid turning a conversation into a full-on battlefield.  Going for peace is going for non-violent communication. Going for peace  is knowing how to express our feelings with words and setting the grounds for inner peace and peace in our relationships. As we all know, our relationships with others form the foundation of our reality. I often say, life is lived with people because Life is a shared experience and as social creatures we need human warmth and positive interaction with others. We need to share our lives; we need to share the goodness of life together.  Human beings have a strong, innate desire for happiness, self-determination and fulfillment. When we separate ourselves from others, we are effectively guaranteeing unhappiness for ourselves. Because it is in relating to others, making friends, sustaining friendships and deepening them that we appreciate what nourishes our heart and what makes us happy.                                                                                                 Communication is one of the key tools that help us to reach out to people, interact with them, connect and share our thoughts. Communication is a peace-building tool that we use to find solutions to many problems. For communication to be real, it needs to take place in an environment where both parties are open to dialogue without fear of being criticized or judged. Where the parties can feel safe with each other and be sincere and unassuming. Most times we listen only to defend our point of view, we listen to answer and defend our self, which causes problems. Sometimes, we listen in order to respond, which helps us reach agreements. It is very important that we listen in order to understand, and to reach reconciliation.

Basically, Communication is sharing ideas, thoughts, information and messages. This sharing is integral in our life and should always bring us together, because that is the very purpose. Unfortunately they always create conflict.  Conflict is a normal everyday thing that happens to all of us. Avoiding conflict at all costs is not a good thing to do because it means we are not telling the truth.  We should learn to tolerate conflict; the important thing is resolving conflict in a positive manner. Being always present with people no matter what they have to say, this can often lead to deeper honesty and connection- Knowing how to listen and being heard, verbal and non-verbal communication skills and appropriate communication tactics is likely to yield positive resolutions. Why is this so?  Conflicts are about our way of being with others.                 We should put out our thoughts in the right place when we tail and in a more refined and better manner. We need to be in a heart of peace, we need to express empathy, and compassion. We need to communicate with respect and sensitivity toward the persons we are communicating with and they must be treated with civility. We have to be highly conscious of how we want to connect with our fellow human beings. Being able to recognize the humanity of the other person, being able to see the other person as a unique and valuable human being in the way we talk, work and live, in our daily life, in our relationships, and in the world is being in a heart of peace.                                                  When we communicate from our heart, we communicate from a deeper level. A heartfelt communication is communicating peace. We communicate more than just our thoughts and emotions, we communicate to others from our heart. We must also realize the fact that opinions can sometimes bring disharmony and that when we share our thoughts with others we are oftentimes just expressing our opinion which can sometimes be insensitive, unkind and tough. Opinions can lead to disagreements, hostility, arguments and conflict.

And truth be told, it is difficult and unlikely to change our outer influences,    in the struggle and turmoil of life, our nerves are typically high strung, and it is easy to let go and vent our bottled feelings on an undeserving or innocent person. However, we can positively change our internal disposition and figure out how to stop allowing outside influences to impact our feelings and perspectives and thus avoid our daily communication pitfalls.                                                                                                                   Personally, i have chosen peace and I have a very deep passion in my heart for peace building.  Having developed the strength of my heart, I’ve ended conflicts and settled fights within myself.  I let my rational side take control; I let love take control and not my emotions or gut feelings. Because I am in touch with the deeper part of myself i am better able to take full responsibility for what i feel.  Having developed my inner strength i am able to  keep my attention in a peaceful place within me  and remain unaffected when people are being unpleasant, mean, judgmental etc. towards me.  This to me is the strength of my heart. The true strength you attain when you grow into peace. It is not easy to make this become habits; it is not easy at all to get to this point, especially for a personality like mine who does not suffer fools gladly. Of course it is very possible and achievable with open heart.   I know how essential it is to communicate with honesty, but I have realized that honest communication does not simply mean just telling people what i really think. It means communicating from my heart. It means communicating honestly, attentively, sensitively and compassionately. I mediate between different aspects of myself and conquer the demon of anger.  When am irritated, I  take deep breaths — inhale and exhale deeply to cool down before I speak, or  remain silent for that moment because I run the risk of unleashing verbal assault on the other person. This has helped me find peacefulness in my everyday life, which delivers satisfaction and I pretty much love myself more.
I constantly remind myself of the higher goals of bringing myself to wholeness, of being able to live my deepest values of being me, being peace, of telling the truth and living an authentic life.  This is only possible because i am able to put my thought in the right place. I am able to communication to my God, to my inner self, and to consistently be right on target to fulfill this purpose.  I feel the richness this has brought to my life because I see the goodness within me and it makes it easier for me to see the goodness in others too.  Yes, I am far from perfect. I do make mistakes because it is human nature.  I try to be patient with myself, and listen to my heart- my heart calls me to come back to the harmony that exists within me.                                                                                                     As a mediator and ombudsman i have helped many people find peace and resolution through effective communication.  Communication for peace reveals experiences and perspectives, listens to all sides, exposes hidden agendas and highlights peace initiatives, irrespective of religion, sex and gender. The equal value of all people is at the heart of the mediation culture. My calling as a Mediator and peace builder is to promote a healthy way to be in the world and to provide hope for a different world in which human dignity is strengthened. In the course of my work as a mediator and peace builder, I realize that there is wisdom in conflict, there is learning, there is opportunity for understanding and growth and we must harness the transformative power of choice that resides within every conflict. We move through the world with words, it is therefore very important that we reexamine the way we communicate .Going for Peace first in communication leads first to a heart connection. We need to ask ourselves where are we communicating from? We must bring in more consciousness when communicating. What are we choosing to communicate? Are we communicating peace or not?                      We must learn the art of communication, and have the heart of peace.                                    We need to bring peace, love and respect into our communications.

“Open your soul to peace and let words from your heart build bridges of love, respect and understanding.” – Ayo Ayoola-Amale
                                                                                                  Copyright © 2016 ayo ayoola-amale

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